My friends and strangers I am scared.
I am scared of holes in clusters
I am scared of insects in swarms.
I am scared of great heights,
But more than that I’m scared of falling.
However there is a difference between phobia and fear.
Phobia is the extremity of aversion, the knarled twist in your stomach.
Phobia knocks on your door, asks to come in.
Fear asks nothing.
You cannot hide from fear.
Fear is the slow creeping, the harsh jolt of a realisation
About one’s self.
It always finds you.
It always wins.
So what do I fear?
I fear that I will die out before people know my name
I fear that I will never live up to the expectations of others
I fear that I will one day hold no use to anybody.
I fear being alone.
Being too strange
Being a drifter
Being “unrelatable”, unable to socialise
I fear being discovered as the kid that writes shitty poetry
And actively enjoys Sylvia Plath’s work.
I fear abandonment
I fear what I am.
I fear what I am becoming.
But as for yourselves?
What is it you fear most?