The list of things we said

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He said:

“Not to be an ass, but we

Hate each other.

As you may be aware, there is a party.

I am throwing it

And you will not be there”

Said my friend.

 

Then he listed

The reasons why:

“Because I despise you.

I think you are

Arrogant

Whiny

Vindictive

I do not want to be around you.”

 

I thought, arrogant

Whiny

Vindictive

Vindictive

Vindictive?

Am I?

Am I?

 

So I said “ok.”

I said “this is petty”

But I thought “vindictive”

 

Now, I am in no way disillusioned

I know full well that I am

Arrogant and

Whiny.

But vindictive, is that what I am?

Some secret corner of hate in my mind I do not know,

A crevice of my existence I have been oblivious to?

Is it there?

Is it there?

Is it there?

 

He wrote, in typical typed reply:

“We have hated each other for months now.

I don’t know how we kept it up.

I wouldn’t have called us friends, I don’t think.”

 

I thought, have we?

Was I as unaware of this as I was my streak of malice?

Surely not. We had been friends for years.

Vindictive.

Vindictive.

 

I responded:”Goodbye”

Vindictive

Hate

Despised

Yes, goodbye old friend,

You will be somewhat missed

 

His final response:

“It’s too hot to argue.

I’m sure it’ll all blow over

By September”

 

That is what he said.

 

 

 

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Jordan

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I have a friend

Called Jordan

They live in the US.

For those of you that may be confused,

I do not live there.

I am very British.

Tea and crumpets,

And all that.

 

Anyway, so

This friend

Jordan

Is probably my closest friend right now.

Which kinda sucks

But is also cool.

Because it feels like there is somebody to talk to

From a whole different world.

If I gossip

It doesn’t have any repercussions

And the same goes for them.

I can talk freely

About ideas

Without ridicule

Without some body else telling me

“That’s ridiculous

Let’s talk about something else”

I can talk passionately about music

Religion

Books and poetry

And not be written off as a wannabe hipster,

Because they share this same passion.

 

Jordan lives in the middle of the US

(I know the state but I won’t tell)

They used to live in a big city until there was

a bad thing

And then they had to move to a paper town

“In the middle of fkujing nowhere”

As they they would say.

We talk every night

Usually over skype

About everything.

 

Sometimes this is a problem

Because I will stay up talking to them at ridiculous times

Like 2 in the morning

But in a way, it’s exciting.

Because the whole town is quiet

And I feel like I’m sharing

A moment

With them

In the stillness and the dark.

And the world becomes a safe place.

 

They have been through some stuff in the past

But we never talk about it

Sometimes they get really down

And I worry

But I know that in reality,

They’ll pull through.

 

It’s odd for me,

Having a friend like this

Caring platonically for somebody like this,

And wishing

With every fibre of my being

For their happiness.

Hoping

That one day the sea will disappear,

And the land will grow close

So that I wouldn’t have to walk across an ocean

To finally see them

Face to face.

 

 

 

Something different

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I am attempting

Something different

A different format.

Why?

I’m not sure. It feels easier to write this way.

 

I don’t know whether this classes as poetry or not

Because let’s be honest

Anything can be poetry, really.

 

I’m thinking that maybe this will make it easier

and quicker for me to blog.

Because

This feels like how I speak

And it is comforting and more

Honest?? I can express

Myself through the rhythm of the words.

 

I am trying this.

Hi! It me!!

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Yep yep, hello people.

I decided to come back because…? I finally remembered my password??

After a crazy long hiatus, I can happily say that I’m back. I learned a bit more about blogging for good ol’ tumblr ( it’s insertgeneric, hit me up people) and I no longer type like a deranged scene kid. So we’re all good on that front.

I’m also a bit more… Emotionally stable?? The last time I made a post on this was when I was getting better, but still in a bad state of mind. I’m out of that for the time being, and generally content with that. I want to actually start being regular on this thing for once, so that I have something in to timetable and schedule and shiz. I’m writing again because I need more structure.

So, what has happened? Well I’ve become a generic tumblr user for one. I’m even more pretentious than I previously was, and now have a refined taste for social justice and dank memes. But in all seriousness, I started a band and am currently launching a career, I managed to come out to friends and family, and actually made friends that weren’t in any way abusive. wOW well done me A*.

But this is just a heads up that no, sorry, I’m not dead, and yes I will start blogging regularly again. I am so, so sorry.

Kitt out

Bye.

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Sooo,

Pretty much what it says in the title. I know I’ve been inactive, mostly because so much stuff has been going on in my life I haven’t had time to post much.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about myself. Trying to go deep and find out what actually makes me tick, all that sort of stuff. I’ve got myself a group of friends I can regularly hang out with; we see each other in school each day, they all share the same passion for music that I do, and we all sort of look after each other like a family. I’ve known these guys for a long time, but it’s only really just dawned on me that they’ve been around from the start. I also recently came out as bi, which I had been denying for some time. But it’s out there now, and to be honest? It feels like this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel like I can be more open with people. Since hanging out with these guys, I don’t get as depressed or nervous as I used to. And my music career? The album I did backing for is due to be released, and I did my first paying gig at a festival a few weeks ago. Everything is on the up.

As for Keys? I’m cool with it. I honestly don’t feel upset or mad or sad thinking about her anymore. She’s got her life, and I’ve got mine. I’m quite happy that we keep it that way, and I think she is too.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel like I need this blog anymore. It used to be a place where I could just vent, but I don’t really need one of those now. There isn’t anything to vent about.

In short: I’ve grown up. I know it may not seem like I invested much time in this whole thing, but it really has meant a lot to me. I haven’t gained that many followers or that many friends on this website, but that isn’t the point. Writing in this blog was a release, and I feel like everything that I needed to talk about at the time has become pretty much irrelevant to me now.

I don’t class myself as anything now. I’m not an emo. Nor am I a hippie or a goth. I’m just happy with who I am, and grateful that I don’t need to label myself to feel like I belong.

I guess if I ever got desperately sad or lonely, I’d write another post here. But until then? I’m done.

So here is my last song. It’s what inspired me to let go of everything. It’s from a film called “Hunky Dory” and was originally done by The Who. Love Reign O’er Me:

Until we meet again?

Kit.

…Thank you.

I’M BACK (Again. Sorry)

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So hello again.

I am back. No longer sad. That is good.

There, so that’s out of the way. Recently loads of sorta cool stuff has been going on so I thought I’d write about it and get some positive posts back on here. I’ve been inactive because of these positive things. These things include:

1. Got the main in the school musical

2. Won a local contest

3. Soon to be playing a local festival, thanks to local contest

4. Have recorded backing for an album

5. Been back in touch with some real friends who have managed to pull me through.

I’ve decided that being friends with my fellow females probably isn’t a good idea. I’ve always got along better with guys, and when I thought I needed to turn to “The Girls”, it was actually my guy-friends that helped me out and cheered me up. The girls ignored me when I tried to speak and revealed jokingly that some days they dreaded coming to school because they would have to talk to me.

SO THAT WAS FUN.

But stuff them I don’t need friends when I have Netflix. And via Netflix I have American Horror Story and Tokyo Ghoul. Via them I have Kaneki and Tate. So, haha yea dey better be jellie.

Ooh while I’m here: THE MAX RIDE MARVEL WTF.

For any of you that read a lot of the stuff I write, I reeaally like Maximum Ride. Especially Iggy. So when I realised they gave Iggy curly hair and acne, my heart sunk. I was hoping that the characters would look a bit like they did in the manga but a little more realistic, although apparently I was wrong. Then again, if they made Max a redhead and gave her weird robot-wings I really don’t know what I was expecting.

Anyway, songs:

Bear with me on this one. I have recently discovered vocaloids. If you don’t know what those are, then RUN. You will either absolutely hate them or become addicted to their songs. There is no between.

I guess I like them because I can feel a bit feminine when I listen to them. Most of the stuff I do tends to be a bit more on the boyish side, so it’s fun sometimes to jump around a bit to Japanese electro-pop. Idk, maybe it’s just me.

I have previously mentioned AHS in this post. Well I’m currently nearly done with Asylum and while I was watching it this morning it suddenly turned into Glee for two minutes. It made me smile.

Bye.